indian Funny Text Jokes | Funny SMS Jokes

 Boy 2 God:
Give me a pocket full of money,
A job & a big vehicle full of girls.

God replied:your wish is fullfilled
&
He became a bus conductor of karachi university point.:p
   






What is BUSINESS ?

Dad: I want u 2 marry a girl of my choice.
Son: No
Dad: The girl is Bill Gate’s daughter.
Son: then Ok.

Dad goes o Bill Gates.
Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates: No
Dad: My son is the CEO of the World Bank.
Bill Gates: Than ok

Dad goes 2 the President of the World Bank.
Dad:Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank.
President:No
Dad:He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.
President: Then OK

That’s business…!!
   



Teacher. Bachon wada kro cigrett shrab nahi pioge.
bachey:nahi pienge.
Teacher:larkio ka pecha nahi karoge
bachey:nahi karnge
Teacher:un pr awazen nahi kaso ge.
bachey: nahi kasenge.
Teacher: apni zindagi watan pr qurban karoge.
bachey: karenge,asi zindgi ka karna bhi kia he.
   





Teacher: what do u call a person
who cannot hear anything?

Banta: u can call him anything,
because he cannot hear anything:-)
   



In bio practical:
Examiner:Tell me the name of
this bird by seeing it’s legs only?
Banta:I don’t know.
Examiner:You failed, what’s your name?
Banta:See my legs & tell my name
   



Once there was a mirror which used to kill “LIERS”
FRENCH:I think I don’t smoke (killed)
AMERICAN:I think, I love Iraq(killed)
PATHAN:I think (killed)
   



Interviewer:what is skeleton?
Banta: Sir, skeleton is a person
who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!
   



Lovers sitting in a park,
boy tries to kiss the girl..
Girl says No dear not all this before marriage..
Boy: Don?t worry darling ?I am already married?.:p
   



Boy:I love u
Girl:Me too
Boy:Tum mujhe kitna pyar karti ho?
Girl:Jitna tum mujhe karte ho
Boy: U cheater..
main samjha tum waqai mujh se pyar karti ho?
   



A boy goes to see a dance.

His mom angrily asks him:
Did u see anything there that
u were not supposed to see?

Boy: yes, I saw dad!
   






 Major Rohail:
Dude EGGS are extra salty today?
Tooo much Salt..why?
.
.
Waiter:
Sir hen is suffring from high blood
Pressure
   

english Funny SMS Text Jokes | Funny Messages | Funny Humor

 Santa had a child after 3 month of marriage.
He asked his wife ye 3 month k bad bacha kaise?

Wife replied: tumhari shadi ko kitna arsa hua?
Santa:3 months.

Wife: or meri shadi ko ?
Santa: 3 months

Wife: or bacha kitne month k baad?
Santa: 3 month.

Wife: total kitne hue?
Santa: oye 9 months & start dancing
Balle Balle;->
 






Banta english k paper main fail ho gaya,
He did translation:

1.Main aam admi nahi hon
I’m not a mango man

2.Sarda or garma fruit hain.
Colda & hota r fruits

3.Mujhey bhi english ati hay
English comes 2 me also

4.do ro do chaar.
give and give four.

5.Mera taluk hari pur hazara se hay
I belong 2 green pur thousanda:)
 



Banta to doctor:
When I sleep, monkeys
play football in my dreams.

Dr:No problem,
just take this medicine b4 sleep.

Banta: Kal se khaonga aaj final hai.
 



Teacher: Johny,
if your father earned $100,000
and gave half of it to your mother,
what would she have?

Little johny: A heart a attack!
 



Boss:I will give you Rs.25 an hour starting today
and in 3 months, I will raise it to Rs.50 an hour.
When do you want to start?
New employee:In 3 months.
 



The devils challenged
the angels to a game of cricket.

We have got all the cricketers, said the Angels.
Devils:No problem,
we have got all the umpires.
 



Banta’s boy asked his dad:
What is a grownup joke?
Sardar ji replied:
any joke which is eighteen years old
 



A lawyer saw an auto accident on street.
He rushed over and started handing out
business cards saying:
I saw the whole thing..
I will take either side.
 



Why were males created before females?

Because you always need
a rough draft before the final copy.
 



Banta goes to a chinese restaurant
and puts his finger
on the last of menu: Bring this.

Waiter: Oh! you can’t get it
because he is the owner of restaurant.
 






 Man1 sitting with dog.
Man2:Your dog bits?
Man1:No
Man 2 sits and the dog bits!
Man2 angrily, you said he does not bit!
Man:That is not my dog.
 

old Funny SMS New | Latest Funny Jokes | Funny Messages

 A boy came running in the kitchen,
Boy:Dad, There is an ugly monster at the door
Dad(Looking at his wife):
Tell him we have already got one!
 






Dil diya tha MOHABBT ki nishani samajh kar,
Wo kha gaya use BIRYANI samajh kar.
Khoon-e-jiger B na chora zalim ne,
Wo B pi gaya LIMON PANI samajh kar.
 



Sardarji to others:
Did anyone lose money wrapped in a rubber band?
One said, Yes I did
Sardar: Well, it’s your lucky day,
I found the rubberband!
 



Banta 2 friend: Guess how many
coins I have in my pocket?
Friend:If I guess right, u give me 1?
Banta:Oji, I will give both of them
 



Jab se begum ne mujhe murgha bana rakha hai,
Main ne nazron ki tarhan sir bhi jhuka rakha hai,

Bartano aaj mere sir pe baraste kion ho ?
Mein ne dho dha k tumhain kitna saja rakha hai,

Roz leti he talashi wo police ki manind,
Pochti he kahan paison ko chupa rakha hai,

Wahi duniya main muqaddar ka sikandar tehra,
Jis ne khud ko yahan shadi se bacha rakha hai,

Pi ja is maar ki talkhi ko bhi has k shohar,
Mar khane mein bhi qudrat ne maza rakha hai..
 



Customer : How much is that banana for?

Salesperson : Rs.10

Customer : Can you sell it to me for Rs.6?

Salesperson : At that rate, you will only get the banana peel!

Customer : Okay I will buy the banana for Rs.4 , but you can keep the peel!
 



2day i have not sent Sms 2 anybody Except U.
2day i have not thought about anybody Except U.
Because my policy is?
one day one fool…..!
 



Qualities a friend must have:
Cute as crocodile.
Smart as donkey.
Active as turtle.
Fit as hippo.
Matured as monkey.
Sincerity like dog.
No doubt you are my good friend
 



A Smile costs less than Electricity.
But…..
Gives more light !!
So Always Keep Smiling….. &
Prove that u’re the Best TubeLight !!
 



Lab pe ati hai Dua ban k tamanna meri,
Dil karta he band krwa doon sim tere,

Dor duniya ka tere DAM se ujala hojaye,
Jo mjhe sms na kare Uska range kala HOjaye….
 



Doc 2 Patient :
The check which u gave me has returned back.

Patient 2 Doc:The head-ache for which
you gave me medicine has also returned back.
 






If dentists make films,?the names will be -
*Daant ho na ho
*Jaanam brush karo
*Aa ab clean karen
*Kabhi teeth kabhi gum
*Humara daant aapke paas hai!:-)
 

todays

 A student was asked 2 write
a signboard 4 the traffic rules
near da college campus

He wrote:-

“Drive Carefully!
Don’t kill the students,
wait for the Teachers”
   






A pakistani man goes for fishing, catches a big fish.
Comes home and askks his wife to cookthe fish.
Wife says she can’t as there is no gas, no electricity,
no atta(floor) and no cooking oil to fry it in.
Man goes and puts the fish back in the river.
Fish comes up to the surface and shouts
“Pakistan Zindabad”
   



Once a husband and wife
were preparing to go office
and the wife thought
she would drive today for the office.

Wife : Chalo na car me kahin ghumne
chalte hai, aur car me drive karungi!

Huband : “Agar tum car drive karogi to
jayenge car mein, aayenge akhbaar mein”!!
   



Life is like a MOVIE…
If u r sad – DRAMA
If u r afraid – SUSPENSE
If u r angry – ACTION
When u look at the mirror – HORROR
   



Khofnaak andheri raat k sannatay main
ek bhoot dosray bhoot ko samjhra raha tha:
bhai ghabra mat, ye sub tere dimagh ka waham hai,
pathan wathan kuch nahin hote.
   



Never kiss a police woman.
she ‘ll say stop and handsup.
Never kiss a nurse she
will say next plz. Always kiss a teacher.
She ‘ll repeat it 10 times.
   



I Can SEE ‘TEA’ in A TEA-CUP
Can you SEE the WORLD in WORLD-CUP?

I can SING on Any STAGE
Can you SING in COMA-STAGE?

I can FIX my PASSPORT Size PHOTO in My PASSPORT
Can you FIX Your STAMP Size PHOTO in a STAMP?

I Can SEND My ADDRESS to Your MOBILE
Can You SEND Your MOBILE to my ADDRESS?

TRY ALL THIS…….. ….
Atleast DO the LAST ONE.
   



when wordz fail eyz works
when eyz fail heart works
when heart fails to kia ???
.
.
.
.
samajh le tapak gaya;)
   



Four guys
1 from Harward:
1 Oxford
1 Texas
&
a Sardar from Pujab university

1 common question:
What is the fastest thing in world?

Oxford:Light
Harvard:Thought
Texas:Blink of an eye
Sardar:It’s loose motions,
because last night I was lying in my bed
& before I could blink,think or turn on the lights,
it was over!
   



Repeat these lines at least 2 hours
everyday after Namaz outside the mosque
& u will b a millionare within few Months.
“Allah k naam par dey de baba”
   






 A man was dying of cancer.
His son asked him:
dad why do you keep on telling
everyone that your dying of AIDS.

He replied:
“So that when i die no 1 will touch ur mom”
   

most

 

 Beautiful flowers die….

Nice stories end……

Lovely songs fade…….. ..

Momeries are forgotten… ..

All things comes to end…..

But people like YOU always remain forever

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

BECAUSE GHOSTS NEVER DIE

    

 

 

Could u fax me ur photo very very urgently ?

Mind u – it’s really very very urgent,

damn serious and very imp ….

I’m playing cards and

we’ve misplaced the JOKER.

    

 

Roses r red,

violets r blue,

monkeys like you should be kept in the zoo.

Dont get angry,

you will find me there too,

not in the cage but laughing at you.

:D

    

 

New style of proposing a girl:

I have spent many sleepless nights in ur love,

&

I don’t want my son to do the same 4 your daughter,

So lets make them brother & sister.

    

 

Think Big.

Think Positive.

Think Smart.

Think Beautiful.

Think Great.

I know, that is too much for u,

so here is a shortcut.

JUST THINK ABOUT ME!

    

 

Sardarji & his wife going to city in auto.

Driver adjusted miror.

Sardarji shouted you are seeing my wife.

Go & sit back. I will drive auto…:D

    

 

A pathan said to his friend:

“mujhy smajh nahi aati k log

maheena maheena kaisy nhi nahatay?

Mujhy to 28vein din kharish hona shuru ho jati hai”.

    

 

A

B

C

D

A-AATRACTIVE

B-BEST

C-CUTE

D-DEAR 2 ME

E

F

G

E-EXCELENT

F-funny

G-GOOD LOOKING

H

I

J

H- HA HA HA

I- I M

J- JOKING

    

 

1 Pathan Bap Ki Death Par Bohat Roya

Phir Uski Behan Ka phone Aya,

Pathan Or B ziada Rone Laga.

Logon Ne Pucha,kya hua?

Pathan: Meri Bahan K Abu Ka B Intiqal Ho Gya

    

 

 

 

 Bachiyon k chakker me larke jate lutt,

Or khatey hain un k bhaiyon se wo kutt…

iss waja se larke larkiyon ko chor detay hain,

Moqa mil tey hi un k bhaiyon ko phor dete hain..

Na kare makeup to un se banda dar jata hay,

Karti hain itna makeup k weight barh jata hay.

    

Funny Love SMS In Hindi | Funny Hindi SMS | Text Messages

 Who‘s hot… Its U,
Who‘s
Charming… Its U,
Who‘s
Sweetest.. Its U,
Who‘s
Intelligent… Its U,
Who‘s dear & near friend… Its U
Who‘s a liar.. Its me
 






Kehdo un parhne walon se,
Kabhi hum bhi parha kertay thay,
Jitna syllabus parh k wo top kertay hain,
Utna to hum choice per chor dia kertay thay,
 



Santa and Banta were fixing a bomb in a car.
Santa : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Banta : Don’t worry, I have a one more.
 



Kash tumhare chere pe chicken-pox ke daag hote,
.
.
.
chand to tum ho hi,
sitaray bhi saath hote!!
 



True bravery is to arrive home …
fully drunk..
a late night out..

and mom waiting with a jharu
in hand and you ask

“hey mom, abhi tak jaag rahi ho.”
 



Patient : What are the chances
of my recovering doctor?

Doctor : One hundred percent.
Medical records show that
nine out of ten people die of the disease you have.

Yours is the tenth case I’ve treated.The others all died.
 



Positive thinking is like…..
U r standing on the middle of the road………
&
suddenly a crow beats on your head….
But you remain calm…
and thanks to God…
that cows dont fly:)
 



A man went to the Police Station wishing
to speak with the burglar who had
broken into his house the night before.

“You’ll get your chance in court,” said the Police officer.

“No, no no!” said the man.
“I want to know how he got into the house
without waking my wife. I’ve been trying for years.”
 



Dil ka dard dil torrne waley kiya jaaney,
Pyar ke rivajon ko zamana kiya jaaney,

Hoti hai kitni takleef larrki ko pataney main,
Ye ghar pe baitha larki ka baap kiya jaaney
 



Do u know similarity
between Dinosaurs and Decent Girls?
?
?
?
?
Both don’t exist.
 



American:-Dogs can find Bombs in my country.
Japanese:-Fish can play Ball in my country.
Pakistani:-Thats not a matter,Monkey can read SMS in my country…
 



A man found his wife having affair with a guy.
He decided 2 kill himself & his wife.

Apne kaan pe pistol lagai aur bola-
tu khush mat ho agla number tera hai!
 






Do U know the fullform of COLLEGE:-
C-Come,
O-On,
L-Lets,
L-Love,
E-Each,
G-Girl,
E-Equally……

Thats why boys go to college
 

cool Funny Love Messages | Funny Love Jokes | Funny SMS

 Someday you may lose your hair.
you may lose your teeth- oyur money & even lose your mind.
But 1 thing you will never loose is oyur good looks.
because you cant lose what you don’t have!
 






Baharo phool barsao mera “DOST”aya hai.
Hoto pe muskan, gali me mehak laya hai.

Barso tak thi jise pani se “ELERGY”
Woh aaj “LUX” se nahaya hai.
 



Yash Johar is producing a new film
& is searching 4 new talent.
I’ve suggested ur name.
Pls go & meet him.
The movie’s name is “AQAL HO NA HO”
 



Promise me we are true friends
I am lamp you are light
I am Coke you are Sprite
I am Sawan you are badal
I am Normal you are Pagal
I am Water you are Tanki
I am Tarzan you are Monkey
 



twinkle Twinkle little star,
teri girl friend gaye bazar,

us ko mil gaya MAJNO ka pyar,
ab tu beth ker makhiyan maaar
 



Love is possible after friendship
but
friendship is not possible after love
because
medicines work before death
later nothing can be cured….!!!
 



A girl ask to moulvi! can i kiss a man?
moulvi says: astaghfirullah! astaghfirullah!

girl: can i kiss a boy?
moulvi: laahulawala quwata………

girl: can i kiss u?
moulvi: Bismillahh bismillah
 



Doctor to Banta : You will die within 2 hours.
Do you want to see any one before you die?
Banta : Yes. A good doctor.
 



Us nay kaha kon ho Tum?
Main nay kaha Hasrat Tumari

Us nay kaha Taktey ho kya?
Main nay kaha Surat Tumhari

Us ne kaha kartey ho kya?
Main nay kaha Pooja Tumhari

Us nay kaha Kaafir ho kya?
Main nay kaha aisa hi sahi

Us nay kaha chatey ho kya?
Main nay kaha Mohabbat Tumhari

Us nay kaha Pachtaoge,
Main nay kaha KismatHamari

Us nay Kaha Married hoon mai.
Main nay kaha Sorry BAJI
 



A scientist cannot b a president,but kalam did it.
A conductor cannot b a superstar,but Rajini did it.
A monkey cannot operate mobile,
but u mere lal, mind blowing….. (u did it)
 



koi chez be-wafai se barh ker kia hogi,
Ghum-e-tanhai judai se barh ker kia hogi,

Kisi ko deni ho jawani main saza,
to wo saza PARHAI se barh ker kia hogi:-)
 



Hey friend remember that
without stupidity there can be no wisdom
& without ugliness there can be no beauty
so the world needs YOU after all!
 






 On a romantic day Banta’s girlfriend asks him,
“Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring?”
Banta : “Ya sure, from landline or mobile”.
 

extreme Funny Love Jokes In Hindi | Funny Jokes | Funny Hindi Messages

 Ladies hostel caught Fire
It took 1 hour to bring the Fire under control
& another 3 hrs 2 bring d Firemen
under control.
   






What? is a difference between
a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey?

A kiss is so dear,?
A car is too dear and
A monkey is U dear.
   



Husband:u will never succeed
in making that dog obey u!
Wife:Nonsense it’s only a matter of patience,
I had a lot of trouble with u at first.
   



After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife,
You know, I was a fool when I married you.
She replied, Yes dear, I know
but I was in love and didnt notice.
   



Boy and girl of class 2 asked teacher:
“can kids of our age have kids?”

Teacher replied ” NO Never!!”

Boy said to girl :
“see i told you not to worry!!!!”.
   



Twinkle Twinkle little star,
You should know what you are,

And once you know what you are,
Mental hospital is not so far.
   



Husband & wife are like liver and kidney.
Husband is liver & wife is kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails.
If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.
   



Meri zindagi per faqat itna ehsan ker do,
Ik benam si mohabbat mere naam kerdo,
Ik subha ko milo aur shaam kerdo,
Aur sham tak mere ghar ka sara kam kerdo,
   



Girl:It’s 2 tight
Boy:Don’t worry,I’ll do it slowly,
Gal:Push it in,
Boy:Ah..I can’t,
Gal:It’s painful,
Boy:Forget it.
.
.
.
.
We’ll buy new WEDDING RING!
   



Khuda ke Ghar say Kuch Gadhey farar hogaye
kuch to pakray gayai
kuch hamare yaar hogaye
   



Friends Are like “Priya Gold Biscuit” Haq Se maango
Girl Friends are like Pepsi Yeh Dil Maange More
Wife is like a medicine Bas Ek hi kaafi hai
   



Tujh bin zindagi ka tasawar hi nahi hai ,
Tere sang ho zindagi aisa bhi koi scene nahi hai,

Iss dunya mein, tum he sab say haseen ho
mein aur kahon jhot kitna, ke tum ko yaqeen ho
   



What is the difference between
Monkey & Donkey ?
Monkey saves this message
&
Donkey deletes this message.

Choice is urs……..:p
   






Man: Officer! There’s a bomb in my garden!
Officer: Don’t worry. If no one claims it
Within three days, you can keep it.

great Funny Jokes SMS | Funny Messages

 Difference between Husband & gadha.

Ans: Husband gadha ban sakta hai,
but
Gadha itna bhi gadha nahi k husband bane!!
   






Girl: if u will try 2 kiss me, main shore macha dungi.
Boy:Lekin yahan to dur tak koi nahi hai.
Girl: i know but formality to poori karni hi padegi..
   



Imagine world without girls
roads sunsan markets viran
na janu na jan
na koi girl friend k liye preshan
bas namaz & quran
&
sarey larke direct jannat ul maqam
   



Train main 1 machar 1 chinese k sar pe baitha,
woh usko pakar k kha gaya!

Phir 1 machar memon pe baitha,
us ne pakar k chinese say pocha:
.
.
.
.
.
Khareedo gay?:D:D:D
   



Dil k zakham kisi ko dikha na sako ge,
Dil mein jo he kisi ko bata na sako ge,

Karoo ge jawani me jo girlfriend pe kharche,
Budhape tak udhar chuka na sako gay:p
   



Life has so much 2 teach us,1 famous Chinese poet said
“Sifgliyo chi chongloma cyona sung una sevol ping pinago ching”

Really touching na?
I almost cried;->
   



In a practical Exam
Examiner showed legs of bird n said:Tell the bird’s name
Banta:I dont know
Exminer: U r failed.Wats ur name?
Banta: You see my legs, and tell me.
   



Banta pulled out 6 people from a burning house…
still he was in jail…….why?
coz all the 6 were fire brigade staff !
   



How woman calls their husband in first 6 years
Yr 1.Janu
Yr 2.O G.
Yr 3.Sunte ho?
Yr 4.O bunty k pappa
Yr 5.Kahan mar gaye?
Yr 6.Tum aate ho k main aaon?
   



When u feel sad….
To cheer up just go to the mirror and say,
“damn I am really so cute”
u will overcome your sadness.
But don’t make this a habit…..
Coz liars go to hell !!!!
   



Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born
   



Man at medical store:I need poison
Chemist: I can’t sell you that

Man shows his marriage certificate
.
.
.
Chemist: Oh! sorry,
I didn’t knew u had a prescription.
   






Last night was my fault,
my wife asked,
“what’s on the TV?”
and ….. I said, “dust!”
   

smart Funny Jokes And SMS | Funny Messages

 2 men went 2 a callgirl.
1st went in and came out n said
“Na my wife is better.”
2nd went in and came out n said
“U R right ur wife is much better.”
 






What is the difference between wife & saali?

Saali is Beauty,
Wife is duy,

Saali is passion,
Wife is tension,

Saali is patakha,
Wife is sayapa,

Saali is cool,
Wife is fool,

Saali is tuty-fruity,
Wife is qismat futi,

Saali is fresh cake,
Wife is earth quake…:p
 



Human brain is the most
outstanding object in world.
It functions 24 hours a day,
365 days a year.
It functions right from the time we are born,
and stop only when we enter the examination hall.
 



Catch her by her waist…
Bring her home..
Keep ur hand on her neck
Put ur lips on her lips
& have a …
…nice drink…PEPSI
 



kal raat machar ne kata mere chehre par,
dil mien junoon tha…aankhoon mien khoon tha,

uthaya ussay masal dene k liye par khayal aya,
kambakht mien bhi akhir apna hi khoon tha
 



Wife came home with a goat.
Husband asked”Is bhains ko ghar kion lai ho?”
Wife:”Dikhta nahin, bakri hy!”
Husband:”Bakri se hi poch raha hon”
 



rooz khawab mein nazar aatey ho tum
kio mujhey neend mein bi daratay ho tum
 



TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell “crocodile”?
JOHNY: “K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L”

TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
JOHNY: Maybe it’s wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
 



What’s the diff between Dava & Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend,
that comes with expiry date and Daru is like wife,
Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi.
 



Teacher : What do you call a person
who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?

Pupil : A teacher.
 



A recently fired
stock trader said …

“This is worse than divorce…
I have lost everything
and
I still have my wife…”
 



A person who surrenders when he’s WRONG,
is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE,
is WISE.
A person who surrenders even if he’s RIGHT,
is a HUSBAND.!
 






Taste this SMS
Did u feel da taste of ginger?
No?
Sure?
Well…..
BANDAR KYA JAANE ADRAK KA SWAAD!!
 

awsome Funny SMS

 Teri yaad dil se jane nahi denge,
Tere jesa dost khone bhi nahi denge,

Sharafat se roz SMS kia karo warna,
Ek kaan k niche denge or rone bhi nahie denge
 






Husband 2 Wife : Did u Have any boyfriend before marriage ??
Wife remains silent ……

Husband : Mai is Khamoshi ko kya samjhu ??
Wife : Abbe gin ne to De….
 



Jab sey tumhain jana hai,
jab sey tumhain paaya hai,

har dua mein tera naam aaya hai,
Ta k poochhu rab say
.
.
.
.
ki yeh kaisa namoona banaya hai
 



if sumone calls u crazy,dont mind,
if sumone calls u duffer,relax,
if sumone calls u stupid be cool,
but if sumone calls u “cute”
.
.
.
.
lagana thappar os pagal ke monh pe,
mazak ki b koi hud hoti hai
 



Wats d height of hope??
It is: sittin in d exam hall,
holdin d question paper in hand
n tellin ur self
“dude,dnt worry.
Exams wil get postponed!”
 



Husband aur Wife Hotel
me gaye tabhi 1 Lady ne Hello kiya,
Wife nay pocha,”Koun Thi Wo?”
Husband:-Tum dimagh kharab mat karo,
main pehle hi pareshan hun k woh bhi Yehi pochay gi.
 



Rose
Lotus
Tulip
Orchid
Sunflower
Jasmin
Lilly
All flowers r sweet but they have no comparison with u,
Kyun K
Gobhi K phool ki baat hi alag hai.
 



If Malika plays roll of Draupadi,
Duryodhan will say pheli bhabhi ko sari to pehna,
hum to dekhen ye vastro mein kaisi lagti hai..?
 



Husband: Today is sunday &
I have to enjoy it.

So i bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: Why three?

Husband: 1 For U and 2 for ur parents.
 



Santa sing ka 20 saal bad bacha hua.
Wo udas ho gaya.

Banta : Yaar udas kion ho?
Santa : 20 sal baad bacha huwa wo bhi itna sa.
 



aisi apni wife ho
5.5 jiski hight ho

jeans jiski tight ho
chehra jiska bright ho

waight main thori light ho
umer main diffrence slight ho

thori se woh quite ho
to mamorable her ek night ho

aisi apni wife ho
sarak per sub kaheen kia cute hey

bheer main sub kaheen pakistan ki paidaish h0
beauty multyply by twice ho

favorite color white ho
make up thora light ho

zulfain dynamite hoon
aankheen us ki jaisey sunny twilight ho

hoonton ko dekh ker lagey jaisey coke diet ho

jub sari pehan ker nikley to kia sight ho
aisa lagey jaisey swtizerland ki flight ho

aisi apni wife ho agar aisi apni wife ho tu kia haseen life ho..
 






GIRLZ OF 1995*
“AGAR TUM MIL JAO ZAMANA CHOIR DENGE HUM”

GIRLZ OF 2007*
AGAR TUM MIL JAO PURANA CHOR DENGE HUM
 

Funny SMS

 Before Marriage:-

He: yes! atlast it was so hard 2 wait
she:do you want me 2 leave?
He: No! don’t even think about it
She: do you love me ?
He:ofcourse! over n over!
She:have u ever cheated on me?
He:No!y r u even asking?
She:will u go on wid me on picnic?
He:every chance I get!
She:will u hit me ?
He:R u crazy?I’m not that kind of person!
She:can I trust u?
He:yes..
She: Darling!

After marriage…
Now simply read from bottom to top







What happens when a lion roars thrice?
-
-
-
-
-
Think
-
-
-
-
-
Any guess?
-
-
-
-
-
Ok i will tell you..
-
-
-
-
-
Tom & jerry cartoon begins!




Do u know whats A B C D E F G?
A Boy Can Do Everything For Girl

Now reverse da order, can u guess the full form of: G F E D C B A ?
Girls Forgets Everything Done & Catches(new) Boy Again.





When u feel lonely and alone
& cannot see any one around you,
the world seems to be fading away,
come along with me
i’ll take u to an eye specialist !!




Kion har bar mosam ki tarah badal jate ho,
Har bar hamara dil dukhatay ho,

Yeh bat sun ker hamari roh tak kanp gaye,
Ae dost tum masjidon se chapal or lote churate ho




Roses r lal
skies r nila,
ur brain is like khali patila.
Bura man liya?

O.K

Roses r red
skies r blue,
I born smart
what d hell hapened to u.

Thora sa or bura manlo :p




Never KISS a lady police,
She will say, hands up.

Never KISS a lady doctor,
She will say, Next please

Always KISS a lady teacher,
She will say, repeat it 5 time




Father: Your teacher says she finds it
Impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That’s why I say she’s no good!




Meri zindagi per faqat itna ehsan ker do,
ik benam si mohabbat mere nam ker do,

ik subha ko milo aur shaam ker do,
Aur sham tak mere ghar ka sara kaam ker do:p







A beautiful girl goes to Professor cabin
and
say
that i will do anything to pass in the exams
and professor says
NOW OPEN YOUR
.
.
.
.
.
.
Books And Study

new Free Funny SMS Messages | Funny SMS | Funny Jokes

 Boy friend is fun,
&
Husband is gun,

Boy friend is light of moon,
&
Husband is month of june,

Boy friend is tooty fruity,
&
Husband is qismat phooti.







Wife:What is 10 years with me?
Husband:A second.

Wife:What is $1000 for me?
Husband:A coin.

Wife: Ok give me a coin.
Husband:Wait a second




Before marriage:
Roses are red, sky is blue,
O my darling! I love you…

After Marriage:
Roses are dead,
I have flu,
don’t come near me,
Paray hatt tuu,




Two devils came in 2 my dreams.
They said,
“We want 2 disturb some good person.”
I suggest them your name.
They said,
“We cannot disturb our boss.”




Only true friends stand by u
during bad times.
I promise
I will attend ur wedding.




Devils went to Court to Prove
that he is The Most,
Cruel & wicked Guy on Earth.

But he Failed, He Came Out Angrily & Asked,
Yaar ye “ALTAF BHAI” kon hai?




God has given many qualities to you,
Good look, personality, charm, intelligence,
And many more……this is call as
“Allah meherbaan to gadha bhi pehalwan…”




Haqiqat samjho ya afsana,
Apna samjho ya baigana,

Hamara aapka rishta he purana,
Is liye farz tha aap ko batana,

kay garmiyan aa gayi hain,
Ab shuru ker do roz nahana!

jao nahao (,?. *,?.)




Neend mujhey raat bhar aati hai kam ,
Shayad macharon ko bi mil gaya hai sanam




Judge: why did u shoot ur wife
instead of shootingher lover?

Banta: Your honour,
it’s easier to shoot a woman once,
than shooting one man every week.




U r a nice person…
but..U have to do 2 things early in the morning…
1st. pray to God so that u can live….
2nd.take a bath so that others can live….




Teacher : Correct the sentence,
“A bull and a cow is grazing in the field”

Student : “A cow and a bull is grazing in the field”
Teacher : How?

Student : Ladies first.







 True Love is like a pillow.
U could HUG it when Ur in trouble.
U could CRY on it when Ur in pain.
U could EMBRACE it when Ur happy.
Want True Love?
Spend Rs.50 buy a Pillow.

Latest free Funny Messages SMS

 Misuse of English!

A Diagram in A Book Was Not Clear
So da Teacher Drew The Diagram On Da Blackboard
&
said:
“Dont Look At The Book Figure,Look At My Figure”:D
 






2 friends,

“see” & “saw”:

1 day “see” saw sea & “saw” didnt see sea.
“See” saw sea and jumped in sea.
“Saw” didnt see sea but jumped in sea.
“See” saw “saw” in sea & “saw” saw “see” in sea.
“See” “saw” both saw sea & both “saw” & “see” were happy to see Sea.

That is how to exercise your brain..!
 



Importance of thumb…

Children use it 4 chewing

Illiterate people use it 4 sign

Winners 4 victory
.
.
AND
.
.
My FANS use it 4 reading my messages
.
.
.
.
.
Oh….u toooo?
 



Do u want to hear a dirty joke?
.
.
.
Are you sure?
.
.
.
Ok, here you go…
.
.
.
A white horse fell in the mud
 



Banta was asked,
what is a adult joke?

Reply came
any joke which is eighteen years old.
 



Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream
That u were sending me
Jewelry and clothes!
Husband: yeah, I saw
your dad paying the bill !!!
 



I just feel u….

Whenever I feel u….
I just miss u …..
Whenever i miss u ….
I just wanna See u ….
Do u know why…….

It’s juts because …………
 



Hoslay saray azma baithay,
Hum zamanay k ghum utha baithay,

Jis ki chahat main umer bhar tarpay,
Us ki shadi ki biryani kha baithay:)
 



Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.
Everyone must attend it.
Raju: No! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why?
Raju: My mother will not allow me to go so far !!
 






 A : u r Active
B : u r Best
C : u r Cute
D : u r my Dearest
E : u r Excelant
F : u r alwayz First
G : u r Great
Sorry cant lie till Z…
 

New SMS related to Funny Messages

 Last night I lay in my bed looking at the beautiful stars, the moon and the sky...then i thought where the fu*k is my roof
 






If ur world is spining Round & Round..& Round....Ur heart is beating fast ,do u think its LOVE? na Munna na its called high B/P...
 



Pappu: Papa what is SEX?
Santa gets tensed but explains everything.
Pappu: But papa how to write all those things in this small box
of school admission form?
 



When i open my eyes every morning i pray to God that everyone should have a friend like you.... Why should only i suffer!!!
 



At dis moment in time 10 million people r having sex.5 million people r drinking coffee.100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text!pass on
 



hahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahihihihihihihihihi
hihihihihihihihihihihihihi
hohohohohohohohohohohohoh
ohohoho nothing special my friend,
just your face come in my mind. ha ha ha ha ha ha
 



Most interesting line written
on the front of T-shirt of a girl,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Excuse me !
My face is above.;-)
 



Fact about women:
They can see a hair of a girl
on their husband’s coat from 20 meters,
but can’t see a pillar from 2 meters
while parking a car . . . :-D
 



Smile to old means Respect

Smile to child mean Innocence

Smile to friend means Care

Smile in front of mobile, a mental case!

Still smiling? ;-)
Pagal ey oy
 



Difference between Friend & Wife

U can Tell ur Friend
“U r my Best Friend”
But

Do u have courage tell to ur Wife
“U r my Best Wife?”
 



Sometimes wen i cry no 1 c my tears,
wen i m woried no 1 c my pain,
wen i m happy no 1 c my smile
lekin…
sala. 1 ladki k saath ghoomay
to sab dekh lete hai..
 



Santa was drawing money from ATM.
Banta, who was just behind him in
the line said: I’ve seen ur password. It’s ****.
Sant: U r wrong. It’s 1394.
 



Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?”
Millionaire: “I owe everything to my wife.”

Interviewer: “Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: “What were you before you married her?”
Millionaire: “A Billionaire”
 






Husband wanted to call the hospital
to ask about his pregnant wife,
but accidently called the cricket stadium.

He asks, “How’s the situation?”

He was shocked & nearly died on hearing the reply.

They said, “It’s fine. 3 are out,
hope to get another 7 out by lunch,
last one was a duck!”..:-P
 

Funny Texts | Funny SMS | Funny Jokes | Funny Messages

 The more I learn the more I get to know,
the more I know the more I forget,
the more I forget the less I know,
so why should I be learning??
 

Sponsored Links




Hello, this is GOD. I make few bad creations but you are the worst monster I ever realised. My apologies on behalf of the whole world.
 



Sweet candies are nice to eat …
Sweet words are easy to say …
but, sweet ppl are hard to find …
OH MY GOD! how did u find me?
 



A couple visit a art gallery,
husband keeps watching a Photo of a girl covered by leaves
wife ask him "ab chele?... ya ... hawaa aane ke bad?.................
 


ek kaam kar
.
.
.
.
..
tu na...
.
.
.
.
.
ish msg ko delete kar de.

 



1 bacha roj mandir se chapal churata tha,
ek din sare chapal bech ke 1 mobile kharida,
aaj wahi bacha apni story pad raha hai apni mobile pe :)
 



Girl: when we get married, i want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden. boy: it's very kind of you, darling, but i don't have any worries or troubles. girl: well that is because we aren't married yet
 


Newton's Law of Romance LOVE CAN NEITHER BE CREATED NOR BE DESTROYED, IT CAN ONLY BE CHANGED FROM ONE GIRL FRIEND TO ANOTHER

 



Twinkle twinkle little star,
you should know what you are,
and once you know what you are,
Mental hospital is not so far.
 



Q: If a devil catches ur wife, wat wud u do?
A: U can do nothing. If devil has committed a mistake let him face the consequences.
 



Its INTERNATIONAL GOOD LOOKING DAY! send this to someone that you think is gorgeous, dont send it to me as I have had 100s already
 



This message was sent exclusively for the handsome and the beautiful. We have obviously sent it to the wrong number. We are truly sorry for the inconvenience
 



Marriage:
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
 



girl friends are like mobile phone, whenever you want happiness just check inbox, whenever u want to cry check out box, and whenever u want to enjoyment just plug in your charger and enjoy.
 



Husband asks, Do you know the meaning of WIFE.
It means...Without Information Fighting Everytime!
WIFE satys No, it means -
With Idiot for Ever.
 



PRINCIPAL :Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.
MUNNA BHAI :Boley to Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu
 



MAMU :Oye, maar gayea yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hain.
MAMU KA DOST :Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha.
 


Sponsored Links



 MAMU :Chand toh raat ko nikalta hai, aaj din mein kaise nikal aya?
GIRL :Ullu to raat ko bolta hai, aaj din mein kaise bol pada?
 

Latest Funny SMS

 Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is

listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?
Son: No.
 






@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
ese kya dekh rahe ho? have send u GARAM "Jalebies" aaj ka nasta meri taraf se!!!!
Good Morning!
 



Girl on Valentine Day in Card Shop.
Owner: yes madam
Girl: 1 card jispar likha ho mai sirf tumse pyr karti hu, kya hai aapke paas?
Owner: Ha he
Girl: 12 Dedo
 



Can u pronounce good English:- read along woof,
roof, loof, shoof, shoof, woof, loof, roof,
poof, woof woof, hoof, woof, roof, shoof.
 



From Mon to Sun, From Jan To Dec,
From birth till my death, my feelings 4 u
have never changed.

For me, you’ve always been…
a headache !
 



Could u fax me ur photo very very urgently ?
Mind u - it’s really very very urgent,
damn serious and very imp …
I’m playing cards and we’ve misplaced the JOKER.
 



Today, tomorrow and yesterday there will be …
one heart that would always beat for you …
You know Whose??? … your Own Stupid!!!
 



Life without u is impossible,
u r in my breath and blood.
i cant stay for a second without u,
if u r not there i am dead
oye hello i am talking about OXYGEN
 



Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write for mother
tongue.?
Santa: Very long!
 



I have a confession to make
ever since i met u its been hard for me to 4get u
every night i see u in my dreams
and find myself shouting
GHOST GHOST
 



7 Angels come to me & asked for
the most
Intelligent
Smart
Nice
Sweet
Well Behaved
Well Groomed person
So i Gave them your address.
DEKHA

Kaisa oollu banaya unko
 



Yaar aaj ka din bada fuddu hai....
Fuddu se yaad aaya
Kaisa hai tu..!!
 



twinkle twinkle little star
tera boy friend gaya bazar
us ko mil gaya doosra pyar
ab tu beth ker makhyan maaar
 



i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window... I look down & den... i lauf again
 



The animals of a jungle have decided to hold a meeting. The lion has come, the tiger has come, the elephant has come, the monkey has come.. But The meeting hasn’t started. Guess why ? Because the Donkey is busy reading this SMS!
 






 Santa GAON gaya,
BUS se Utarte hi MITTI HATH me Uthakar Bola- 'Gaon ki Mitti ki Khushbu hi Alag hai'
Banta- SAALE Thik se dekh MITTI nahi 'TATTI' hai.
 

SMS jokes.

Girl : Mom, i m in love with a guy.. Mom shocked : How old is the boy & what is he doing Girl : 3 month & kicking happily in my stomach..
   






terrorists have kidnapped our lecturers... and demanded aransom of 500000 rs or else they will burn them with kerosene... plz donate. i have donated 15 litres.
   



can you lend me 2000 Rs? i need it. please help me out, i know you have it, i wil return it .a Banta asks to ATM machine???????
   



Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day?.?.?.?.... It is just a formality, like two boxers shaking hands b4 the fight begins !
   



One day Raja and rani decided to send messages to each other by using Pigeon instead of mobile. The very next day pigeon reached raja without any message. He angried and called to rani.She told stupid "This was a missed call"
   



><(((:>I send dis fish as a sign of friendship Plz take care of it & keep it in mobile & daily put ur mobile in water so tat fish wont DIE:-)
   



God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested
   



The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass & flowers 2. If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn’t it rain on you?
   



Banta road se gujar raha tha,
achanak
usne jhuk kar road se kuch uthaya
or
jor se chillaya....
Kamine


tatti v aise karte hai jaise SAMOSA pada ho.
   



aaj raat
.
.
.
12 baje ke bad
.
.
.
ek bajega [hi hi hi]
   



''Utha le re deva,utha le''....
'eeee''mere ko nai re baba'
'mere yaar ko utha re'....
eeesh..''duniya se nai re deva''...
''NIND'' se uthare
GOOD MORNING
   



twinkle twinkle lazy star ,
kitna soyega uthja yaar,
up above the world so high,
sun has risen in the sky,
uthke jaldi PEE LE CHAI,
then u call and say me HI....
   



Anty chote puppy se: Oye hoye! kitna sona doggy hai!
Umma.. Umma.. Umma..!
Boy: Par anty..
Anty: Oye kiss karne de!
Umma.. Umma.. Umma..!!
.
.
.
Boy: Par anty iska muh idhar nahi us taraf hai!
   



u r Ultimate
u r Lovely
u r Likable
u r Unique
in short ......
u r ULLU !!!
   






A funny poem about TATTI

tatti meri pyaari tatti
shouchalyaki rani tatti
subh subh jab aaye tatti
ghar aagan mehkaaye tatti
peeli tatti kaali tatti
hay re meri nyaari tatti
kudrat ka dastoor niraala
sabko hi aaye hai tatti
khul ke jo na aaye tatti
sacchi bda sataaye tatti
lagataar jo aaye tatti
sabke hosh udaaye tatti
pet ke andar factory aisi
jo ki roz banaaye tatti
yeh message sabko kar dena
varna teri ruk jaayegi tatti
   

Funny Messages SMS

 Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Bcoz they are already leading a dog's life!
   






If i need "Brain Transplantation" I will prefer your brain...
don't think that you are a genius..........
i need a brain which is never used before
   



Father: How did you fail the final exam?
Son: Under water
Aather: What do you mean?
Son :All below 'C' level
   



A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I-------------------------------------------------------------------U,V,W,X,Y,Z.
WHAT R U LOOKING FOR?
I KILLED ALL THOSE WHO WERE BETWEEN I & U
   



Banta owned a factory.
He issued orders that only married
men would be employed.
Friend asks: Why this ?

Bant reply:
Because married men are more obedient.
   



Government of Australia has
introduced a new rule
Good looking people should be
thrown out of country!!!
U r safe..
oh! No where should I Hide you???
   



Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: why three?
Husband: 4 u and ur parents.
   



2 days of power cut in Delhi had made life miserable worst affected was "Delhi metro station"
where families of Santa and Banta were stuck for 48 hrs on.... Escalators
   



Son - I want a baby brother .
Mom - your dad is overseas. When he comes back we will talk over it .
Son - why don't u give him a surprise?
   



A newly married girl got first class in her B.Ed exams.
Her husband sent telegram to her parents -
Ruby First Class in Bed!
   



Close your eyes I have a gift for you

1


2



3

Oh u didn't close your eyes!!!!!
   



What is a difference between a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey?
A kiss is so dear,
a car is too dear and
a monkey is U dear.
   



What do u call a woman in heaven? - An Angel.
A crowd of woman in heaven? - A host of Angels.
And all woman in heaven? - PEACE ON EARTH!
   



Banta falls in luv wit a nurse..
After much thinking, he finally writes a luv letter 2 her: "I LUV U SISTER"
   



MBBS Final Exam:-

Question: Fill in the blanks.

If a lady faints, we must 1st check her PU_S_

Only few intelligent students wrote PULSE
   






 What is diffrence between problem & talent?
2 boys love 1 girl= problem!
1 boy love 2 girls= talent.
   

Funny SMS

 A Girl Checks Her Weight = 58kg .
Removes Sandal = 56.
Then Dupatta = 52
Now Coins Finished.......
.
.
.
.
A Boy In A Q Behind Her
Said
Ü Carry On"",
I Have Coins!
 






~ Romance Mathematics ~
Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance
Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Affair
Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Marriage
Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy
 



If u r stressed, you'll get pimples..
if u cry,u'll get wrinkles..
So, y don't u smile & get dimples?
 



I have lots of jokes in my inbox,
But I can’t send you all of them,
It will take a lot of time,
So I’m sending you just 1 joke
.
.
.
“You are so beautiful”
 



God made us body parts for a reason.
Eyes: to look at you
Hands: to pray for you
Mind: to remember you
Heart: to miss you
and…
Legs: to kick you if u ever forget me!!
 



Wife:-I will die.
Husband:- I will also die.

Wife:-why will you die?
Husband:- because I can't bear that much happiness
 



Gang of Santa-Banta broke a bank, but instead of cash they find
bottles of chilled red wine...
happily they drink and left
next day headline

~ Braking News ~

"Blood Bank Robbed"
 



Aftr robbing d Bank, robber 2 clerk: Did u see me robbing?
Clerk: Yes.
Robber shot him dead & asked d next clerk: Did u?
2nd clerk: No, But my wife saw u!
 



Husband: Kal mere khawab main ek larki aye thi. Wah! Kia Larki thee!

Wife: Akeli ayee hogi?

Husband: Tum ko kese pata?

Wife: Uska Husband mere khawab main aya tha!
 



mehrbaan kadardaan dekho mere sms ka kamaal
ghanti bajegi bander nachega
mobile uthayega sms padega ab muskurayega
ab banda hoshiyari dikhayega or msg forward karega
 



Birdy birdy in the sky dropped a poopy in my eye,
I don't worry I don't cry,
I'm just happy that cows can't fly!
 



Keep.....................IN TOUCH WID ME.....
OTHERWISE............................1 2 3 4 5 6
7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
27 28 29 30 31 32 ALL..........UR TEETH WILL B BROKEN!!!
 



Q: What is the difference b/w secretary & private secretary?
Ans:
Secretary says GOOD MORNING SIR
&
Private secretary says ITS MORNING SIR
 






A baby monkey asks his father, Father why r we so ugly?
The father says to him, don't stress my son
u should see the one who is reading this!!